I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore
by xiiao
Summary: She's not suposed to love him anymore, and yet she does.. So, what can she do? [ Song fiction / one-shot. ]


I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore  
  
By: Xiao  
  
` Anyone remember when Clay Aiken of American Idol 2 sang I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore? You better of. -Cough.- Clay Aiken is the real American Idol, and don't you dare argue with me about that because I have nothing against Ruben, I just like Clay more. I also took out one part of the song, because I didn't like it in the story. o.@;  
  
Lyrics are in: --  
  
--  
  
She curled her legs in as she set the box on her lap, taking the lid off and pulling our the delicate photos she had once kept everywhere in her room. A small grin crossed her bubble gum colored tiers for a moment as she remembered the time and place the picture was taken in. She set the box next to her as she slid back and was against the wall, her legs resting against the comforter of her bed.  
  
That picture of herself and Syaoran, him not even smiling as she happily clung onto his arm. Back then she was young, naïve if you will. She thought that this boy was hers. Well, why wouldn't she assume that Syaoran belonged to her? After all, the engagement and marriage was arranged when they were young. She grew up believing that she would marry this boy. Meiling Li and Syaoran Li.  
  
-- We agreed that it was over  
  
Now the lines have all been drawn  
  
The vows we made begin to fade  
  
But now you're gone  
  
Put your pictures in a shoe box  
  
And my gold ring in a drawer  
  
I'm not supposed to love you anymore. --  
  
Marriage never came. No, dreams broken by the true owner of his heart. In the midst of their relationship, the card mistress, Sakura Kinomoto, was brought into her picture perfect view. She knew from the minute she saw them together, that this was her time to make sure she could have him. She lived to know that this boy was to love her. To marry her. She wasn't just going to let her go with the blink of an eye. Never.  
  
Her efforts were strong. She was always over him, always next to him, standing by his side for anything he ever would need. She could counter whatever Sakura said, even if it wasn't about Syaoran or about her. Even if it had nothing to do with anything. She would always appear to help the Clow Cards. Sure, Sakura could win over the Clow Cards -- but she wouldn't let him win over Syaoran.  
  
She shook her head as she flipped through each picture. Each seemed different in a way, as if they were leading up to that one night when all would be broken. She remembered it so perfectly, as if the whole thing was a movie in her mind. It was the night he and her had decided to break that engagement that she had been holding onto for her whole life. It was time for it to end.  
  
And now he was gone.  
  
--Oh I shouldn't care or wonder where or how you are  
  
But I can't hide this hurt inside this broken heart   
  
I'm fighting back emotions that   
  
I've never fought before   
  
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore. --  
  
  
  
He was really gone now. She was left in Hong Kong with her own family. And he was in Tomoeda, with his own beloved. She had decided that she was going to return to Hong Kong after it was broken. She even insisted that he stayed. She wanted him happy, after all, and dragging him with her to Hong Kong would only make things worse, right?  
  
A tear slid at the thought.  
  
Yes, she wanted him happy. But what about her? Where was her love?  
  
She had agreed with the broken engagement, though, because she knew it wasn't going to work when it was all one sided. But Syaoran did love her, as a family and a best friend, but it wasn't what she wanted.  
  
And now she couldn't help but let herself cry at the thought of everything. She had let their engagement break, and because of it, he expected her to be okay, and not to love him. Not to cling about him, telling him she loved him with all her heart. Now she had to act like it was okay.  
  
It wasn't.  
  
She wasn't supposed to love him anymore, and yet she couldn't. She loved him. It was just that simple. How could she not? She grew up loving him, after all. What else was she to do; just drop it and forget about him? It just wasn't possible.  
  
And she had to let him know that.  
  
Meiling picked up that shoe box that held her pictures of him and her together, and pulled out a red pen that she kept in her. She flipped it over, so the flat side was up toward her and set it on her lap. For a moment, she picked up her pictures and flipped through them, trying to find a good one. A few seconds later, she decided on one that had her smiling happily, and him in his trademark seriousness. She checked the pen on the edge of the shoe box, and then pressed it to the back surface of her photo and began to write.  
  
--Now I'm writing you this letter  
  
It's killing me tonight   
  
That I believed when you believed it wasn't right   
  
And I couldn't sleep up on the bed   
  
So, I'm down here on the floor   
  
Where I'm not supposed to love you anymore.--  
  
She sniffled a bit as she looked at her handwriting and then flipped it around and stared at the picture. She kissed it gently, and then set it on her night stand as she took all her pictures and placed them delicately back into the box. She then pulled open the drawer on her night stand and placed the box in there, eyeing her ring that Syaoran was forced to give her when they were engaged when they were young. She shook her head, still silently crying, and shut the drawer.  
  
--Oh I shouldn't care or wonder where or how you are   
  
But I can't hide this hurt inside this broken heart   
  
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before   
  
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore  
  
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before   
  
'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore.--  
  
She had to let it go, but she couldn't. She just wasn't supposed to love him anymore, after all. 


End file.
